Ideas and Strategies for Parents

Joining a public elementary school community is a new experience for most parents. It can take time to learn how the system works, how to understand the curriculum and the relationships between individuals and groups, teachers and staff. Charting our children's academic progress and social adjustment in the classroom and on the playground can be an enormous challenge, as well. At the same time, parents are determining their own involvement in school activities and how to fit in. Parents can simplify this entire process by learning how to work effectively with teachers, staff and school organizations and develop behaviors that help them achieve their goals. The tone of these interactions - from the casual setting of the playground to the formal parent-teacher conference - all work together to create the atmosphere at our school.

With this in mind, we suggest the following guidelines.

1) Assume Good Intentions.
What drives both parents and teachers alike is their love of children. We all want to create a positive, supportive learning environment. A diversity of teaching styles and methods is a valuable asset for the school just as a diversity of students and parental styles reflects the complexity of our society and enriches the learning environment.

Be discreet when discussing your opinions about teachers at Duveneck. Try to keep this in mind at the beginning of the school year when class lists are posted and you find out which teacher your child has. Imagine how you would feel if the teachers were all standing around the lists shouting: "Oh no, I got that kid in my class - I've heard he's terribly behaved."

2) Build Positive Relationships
We're proud to have wonderful and dedicated teachers at our school. We're equally as proud of our supportive and caring parent community. We all benefit from building positive relationships. In your discussions with other parents and the school community, share good news and appreciation as often as possible, for these will help build trust and good will that will help should a conflict or problem arise.

If you're a parent who can't attend school events, communicate by email to show the teacher you're interested. Let the teacher know when you are pleased with something that's happened at school.

Mend fences.
One Duveneck parent complained to a teacher that they didn't get enough communication about what was going on in the classroom. Weeks later, they discovered months worth of classroom newsletters in the bottom of their child's backpack. The parent wrote a note to the teacher explaining what happened and acknowledging her mistake. This note went a long way towards building a positive and trusting relationship with her child's teacher.

3) Be Respectful in our Communications
If you have issues or questions to discuss with teachers, the principal or staff, always ask, "when is it a good time to discuss this?" Time in a public school environment is highly structured and tightly allocated. Class pick-up and drop-off time is rarely a good time for teachers to hold substantive discussions with parents. When you do talk to your child's teacher:

• Use "I Messages" which frame your concerns from your perspective only. Say, "I'm concerned that Billy has more homework than he can handle." Don't say, "Why are you assigning so much homework?"
• Allow time for dialog and response. Some problems can't be addressed immediately.
• Follow up with the teacher. Say thank-you for handling a problem well, or communicate clearly if the problem re-surfaces. Say, "I'm still concerned about Billy's homework. When would be a good time to talk again?"
• Discuss your child - not others. Parents should frame their concerns and questions in terms of the effect they are having on their child only. Teachers cannot discuss other children (or other teachers) with you.

4) Solve Problems Effectively
If a problem does develop, approach it this way:

• First, talk to your child's teacher. Classroom teachers want to know what's going on with their students. Enlist his/her help in resolving your concerns. Consider the impact of talking to other parents before you've talked with the teacher.

  Casual conversations between parents before problems are worked out with the teacher are how rumors get started. Even after the problem is solved, the rumor lives on.

• If that does not result in an effective resolution, make an appointment with the principal or ask the teacher to include the principal in your next discussion. She's there to help, but most problems can be solved by talking to your child's teacher first.
• Be aware of your role with your children. What we say and do is powerful in our children's eyes. Model positive strategies for dealing with school concerns.
• If your parent-teacher conference does not provide a satisfying view of your child's progress, tell your teacher, identify your specific concerns and ask to make another appointment to discuss your child.
• If you think your child is having trouble with another child in the classroom or at recess, first talk to your child's teacher about the situation. Ask for their help.

5) Be a Champion
Help model positive behaviors for other parents. If you're in a group of parents who are sharing rumors or unproductive information about a teacher or staff member, encourage them to approach the teacher individually with their concerns. Take the parent aside, if possible, and refer him/her to these guidelines or to the principal for help on how to approach a teacher.

Take time to share your positive experiences - be a champion of the powerful effect that spreading good will can have.

Read more:
What is the Duvneck Partnership?
Goals of the Duveneck Partnership

For more information about the Duveneck Partnership, or if you have a successful experience you'd like to share contact Megan O'Reilly Lewis or Dana Tom.

The School Site Council wrote this in the 2002-2003 school year.